For fun:

The man, the legend, I know him, my friends all know him: Mr.Pee.

Where do I even start. Truly the one who got away. My freakzoid sigma gooner. Everytime I look into another man's eyes all I see is Mr.Pee. I think I'll name my first-born Mr.Pee. I'll even change my name to Mr.Pee.

Granted, I actually never even met the man.

Didn't even know his real name or what he looked like until weeks into chatting. Could of been a sleeveball 43yr old man for all I know. Or even a really hot billionaire, who knows! As much as it truly pains me to compliment any man, whether it's deserved or not, Mr.Pee was truly one of a kind. Hence the honorary profile on here. Firstly to state, I'm sad to admit I did not make up this wonderful name for privacy reasons. "Mr. Pee" was a name given by himself on his hinge profile.

Mr.Pee matched my freak so well that I don't even know if our giant bit was even a bit at times. You're probably wondering if Mr.Pee was so grand, where is he now? That I reply with, I don't know. Mr. Pee stood no chance against prime finals week. Ghosted him for 2 weeks by accident with no warning. Just like in White Fang, a beautiful alpha wolf that Mr.Pee was, he ran off back into the wilderness.
So with the first Friday of every month, I strip naked and hot glue beef jerky sticks on my body while I run around the edge of the woods in hopes my beautiful omega scent attracts Mr.Pee again. No luck yet. Will try again next month just to be sure.

Double Date:

I liked his fingers in my mouth.

Reminded me of the dentist except I don't feel like peeing my pants and I'm only a little bit more horned up than usual.

Got really drunk one night and made out in his car, then broke down mid-sesh telling him I might be autistic so who's the real winner here?

Let it be known that Zombiegurllovesick doesn't do "situationships". I have too much respect for myself and have strict boundaries that I won't bend for anyone.
Except for All Might. And Aizawa. Present Mic too. Optimus Prime as well. Pyramid Head I'd probably become poly for. Then there's true form Sukuna. Don't forget Wakatoshi Ushijima (21) Schweiden Adlers Volleyball Player. And well then I can't forget Satori Tendo (24) Chocolatier in Paris, they're practically a set. Okay well on the subject there's also Inaki Godoy and he's an age appropriate, real man so that counts. Perhaps Jeff Goldblum if he's into it. And then almost forgot this one twitch streamer who I shall never name that I would sign an NDA for. Oh and that one guy who played the hot priest from Midnight Mass. And that other hot priest from Fleabag. And that other other priest from Camila (1984). And then when Gregory Peck was a priest in that one film. Oh didn't mean to forget the priest from Hilda (1998).
Sorry what was I writing about?

Our first date with Mr.Meow Meow.
Two words: Double date. Need I say more?

Honestly I don't think a double date is a good idea for anyone's first meetup, especially with another couple who in hindsight turned out to be Euphorian Nate and Cassie 2.0 so there's that going on.

Awkward? No, not quite. I've experienced an awkward first date before and let me tell you, I'd rather shit myself in public than experience that again.
Sitting in city traffic for 40mins with a man you just met has the same feeling of meeting a shelter dog. The date itself was good. A beautiful art exhibit that I enjoyed more than the actual man if I'm being transparent.

Honestly I've been putting this off because well, the date was normal. The most normal first date I think I could have experienced. For my Americans, think of a really good cheese burger but then imagine nothing on it. I wouldn't say it was a true 'nothing burger' but more like a plain burg with no ketch.

He didn't hand feed me though!!
That's new and surprising but I have a hunch that it was because we were on a double drupe. Had we been alone together I bet my taco bell large ice-cold pepsi that's currently sitting in my lap cooling my menstrual pad rash on my cooch he would have.

There really isn't anything more I can give about our first date. Genuine-on, I don't know how else to state it without sounding like a total douche sleeze but my date with him was boring. He was boring and looking back at the first date, it really did set the tone for the rest of my experience with him. Not gonna dog on the guy completely! It wasn't all bad per say, just don't think I can get jiggy with another straight man who's content with surface level relations.

I have a dating ad flyer that needs printing because honestly, I don't think I can do hinge again. There. I admitted it. It's embarrassing. Sue me! Yeah I know booooo! We want drama! We want humiliation! We want content! Whatever you freaks.

Hookup story gone wrong!?? Not clickbait!

Some text..

Column 3

Some text..